One of the simplest—and most unsettling—ideas I’ve heard about leadership came from Duke professor Sim Sitkin during a Six Domains of Leadership session:
“Being is not enough; you also have to convey.”
At first, that can feel uncomfortable. Especially for leaders who pride themselves on integrity, humility, and letting their actions speak for themselves.
But this idea explains a pattern I see time and again in leadership 360° assessments.
The 360 Surprise
Many leaders walk into their 360° debriefs confident about certain dimensions of their leadership:
- I’m principled.
- I’m fair.
- I genuinely care about my team.
- I make values-based decisions—even when they’re hard.
Then the results come back.
Their self-ratings are strong… but their peers’ or direct reports’ ratings are noticeably lower.
When your colleagues rate you lower on fairness, concern, or ethics than you rate yourself, it’s natural to feel surprised, hurt, or even defensive.
The immediate reaction is often disappointment—or self-doubt.
- Am I overestimating myself?
- Do people not see who I really am as a leader?
In most cases, that’s not what’s happening.
What’s happening is that your leadership has been largely invisible.
The Hidden Work of Leadership
Many values-driven leaders do their hardest work internally. They wrestle with tradeoffs. They lose sleep over decisions that will affect people’s lives. They sometimes torment themselves before making a call they know will cause harm—layoffs, role eliminations, site closures, tough performance decisions—because they believe it’s the right decision in the bigger picture.
And then they execute.
What they don’t do is narrate that process. They don’t explain the tensions they weighed or the values they prioritized. They assume the decision itself will communicate fairness, care, or principle.
But action doesn’t come with subtitles.
When people don’t understand the why, they supply their own explanations. A painful decision can look careless instead of conflicted. A firm boundary can look cold instead of fair. A quiet accommodation can go completely unnoticed.
This is why Sim’s point matters so much: even if you are the most ethical leader in the world, if others don’t know it, it won’t have the effect you want.
The Humility Trap
There’s a particular trap here for leaders who dislike self-promotion. They worry that explaining their thinking will sound defensive or self-congratulatory. They don’t want to justify themselves. They don’t want credit.
But conveying isn’t bragging. It’s sense-making.
It’s saying, “Here’s what we wrestled with.”
It’s acknowledging, “There wasn’t a perfect answer here.”
It’s naming, “This decision has real human impact, and I don’t take that lightly.”
When leaders start doing this, something interesting happens in their 360s. Scores begin to align. Not because the leader suddenly became more ethical or more caring—but because others can finally see those qualities in action.
The Last Drop
Leadership doesn’t live solely in intent. It lives in perception.
You can act with integrity, wrestle with impossible tradeoffs, and make decisions rooted in care—and still be experienced very differently by the people around you.
That doesn’t mean your values are lacking.
It often means they’re invisible.
If you want your leadership to have the effect you intend—if you want fairness, care, and principle to be felt, not just practiced—being isn’t enough.
You have to convey.
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