My favorite kind of meeting to facilitate is most people’s least favorite:
- Strong personalities
- Strong opinions
- A consequential decision to make
- And a group that’s having a hard time making it!
When the stakes are high and people disagree, more open-ended discussion rarely helps. What does help is creating a process that makes it easier for people to hear one another, identify the real disagreement, and work toward a decision.
Here are five steps I use:
#1. Surface the issues before the meeting.
Send a short, anonymous pre-meeting survey asking for perspectives, questions, and concerns. Share the themes or results in advance.
This gives people a chance to be candid and helps you walk into the room knowing where the real tensions are—not just the ones people are comfortable saying out loud.
#2. Make the decision process clear.
Before the discussion begins, everyone should understand: How will this decision be made?
Are you seeking consensus? A recommendation? A vote?
And if the group can’t reach agreement, who ultimately has the authority to decide?
Ambiguity about decision rights can create as much conflict as the issue itself.
#3. Give everyone uninterrupted airtime.
Go around the room and give each person an opportunity to share their perspective without rebuttal or cross-talk.
Listen for understanding first. Before moving into debate, make sure people—particularly those whose perspectives differ from the majority—feel that their concerns have actually been heard.
#4. Separate agreement from disagreement.
Invite the group to identify what they already agree on.
Then get specific about what remains unresolved.
Often, a seemingly enormous conflict gets much smaller once you separate shared ground from the handful of issues where there is genuine disagreement.
#5. Create options before choosing one.
Don’t jump straight from disagreement to a yes-or-no vote.
Encourage creative thinking. Break into small groups and ask people to sketch possible solutions. Bring the proposals back to the full group and explore what people like, dislike, or would change about each one.
The goal isn’t to choose my proposal vs. your proposal. It’s to help the group work together to build a better one.
The bottom line
High-stakes meetings don’t need less disagreement. They need enough structure to make disagreement productive… and turn it into a decision.
